Kyongju - Photoshop
19 years ago, i was born to this world. I don’t really know how bad mummy’s labor was but i knew my birth wasn’t easy on anyone. I was a ‘blue’ baby. Overdued by 2 weeks. I was almost drowned in there. I guess i pretty much was scared of being born to this world afterall.
No wonder i’m risk aversed. I knew the first 6 months of my life wasn’t easy on anyone. Being tiny and blue, i guess everybody didn’t think much of me making it past 6 months. But eventually, with God’s will and family members’ prayers, alhamdulillah i’ve made it through this far. Syukur..
Mothers Day had past just around the corner recently. I’m one of those people who were never raised to celebrating these kinda occasions. I don’t recall us actually celebrating the day itself. However, my first 6 months life episode always remind me of how grateful i should be for my mother and how i’ve troubled her in my 19 years of life. And to remind me of how important she has been and will always be in my life.
On any ordinary day, if i were to be asked, whether or not i’ve been a good son and not troublesome to my mother, i would have said YES without a doubt. Eversince i was 8, all i ever consciously did was for this family, for my mother and father. In other words, i think i’ve done some ’sacrifices’ too. On any ordinary day, i’d say everything i do up to this point of my life, i’ve done it to pleased my mother. I took up piano for my mother, studied hard for my mother, i was the obedient son for my mother, i stopped sports for my mother, i worked ma ass off for a scholarship for my mother, i went to university for my mother, i studied Engineering for my mother. And everything i did was for my mother. So that she won’t nag me, so that she won’t yell at me, so that she won’t belittle me, so that she won’t think that i’m some stupid kid. Sounds like i’m blaming her aight?
Perhaps when i was younger, i didn’t have much common sense or i was too much a rebel myself to actually see things clear for once. But now, i can definitely see beyond all that. Despite me claiming that everything i did was for her, making it sounds like it was blaming her but honestly, it was for me. It was all for me. For selfish me. Because i was saving my ass from being nagged, scolded etc….. The blame actually falls on me. I was selfish. TT
I took up piano because i enjoyed the music my neighbour played on her piano every evening. I stopped sports because i wanted to do well in my studies. I worked hard at my studies because i wanted to prove myself worth of something as compared to my other cousins. I was an obedient son, stayed at home much of the time and not outside playing hooky because i’m simply a homely, family person. I worked my ass off for a scholarship because i wanted to go abroad without having to pay much on my own. I went to university coz what else do people do after SPM? I took Engineering coz i was too scared that i might have flunked medic.
And despite all those things i did for me, she never fail to ask me every single evening of my day “How was your day?”. She never fails to show her eagerness and anticipation of wanting to talk to me. Whenever things do go wrong, she’ll yell me a little, scold me a few times and nag endlessly but she will always be there for me. I guess she has her own way of saying she cares.
And now i realize that it’s not about how i perceived my mother made me do things in life, but what i wanted to do for her. Wanting her to be happy, to be proud of me and not be disappointed of me after carrying me for more than 9 months, suffering an ordeal for the first 6 months of my life and every single day there on that i might have offended her in many ways either intended or without intent. I know now that what i do for her is not sacrifices but responsibility that i hold strongly within me to make her feel worthwhile bringing me out to this world.
Mummy, i love you for being you. Thank you for having me as your son.
Can't thank you enough for what you have done.
Happy Mothers Day
Hari Muhibah
