No matter how much your head might be spinning or how you feel like your head is about to explode to pieces, never, i mean never ever put axe brand oil (minyak cap kapak) on the back of your neck. NEVER! It stings so bad that u feel like putting ice on it. Urghhh….

Just over shower just now, a few things popped up in my mind. Don’t get ideas about what i do in the shower, i WAS having shower. Anyway, i can’t really trace back my train of thoughts back then but what i do remember most while stepping out of shower was my late grandpa whom i called simply as Atuk. He’s my grandpa from abah’s side. He passed away at the age of 63 when i was about 12 or 13 or so. He was a very simple man, man of few words but wise and pious. You see, we weren’t actually the closest grandson/grandpa couple but i loved him dear. I don’t have much recollection of memory of us both having conversations. Partly coz when i reached the age when i was a talkative rascal, he was rather much senile. Also the fact that we hardly go back to kampung when i was schooling because it was far. Far as in cross the border.

Everytime i think of him, i can smell him and the picture of him would live in my thoughts so vividly. And usually, it will always be the same memory of him. I can still remember how i used to wait for him to come back from Asar prayers from the mosque. After Asar, he’d walk back from the mosque and sit on the bench in front of the house. He’d sit there quietly while berzikir with his tasbih. Everybody knew better not to disturb him. Then came along me, struggling badly to get onto the bench. Succeeding that, i’d snuggle up and make my self comfortable in his lap. He didn’t seem to mind me at all. While he was busy berzikir, i was busy playing with his long white beard. I guess at that age, i thought i could comb his long white beard with ma little fingers. And in 15 minutes or so, his 2 best friends would come and sit outside with him. They’d talk and talk endlessly. Later my grandma would prepare and serve tea for all three of them. I guess after living with a person for more than 40 years, you’ll live to know his routine by heart. They’d talk and talk until it was near Maghrib. I could never figure out what they were talking about. At times, my dad and my uncles would join in their endless conversation and again i can’t make up head or tail about it . But even if could understand what they were talking about, i still couldn’t figure out what it was because usually i’d be asleep already in he’s lap while playing with his white beard. Nearing Maghrib, he would carry me and place me on the sofa, take his abolution and make his way to the mosque again. It was his daily routine.

I miss him. I missed that comfort i had with him. I’m not sad or happy now. I just missed him. I missed my days with him, when everything was really simple as he was. With no worries and no sadness. It was all the comfort of care and love that was unspoken between a grandpa and his grandson.

Al-fatihah to my late Atuk. May Allah bless you both and puts you amongst His loved ones.

~ Amin.