Somewhere - Seoul

Staying up in the early hours of the morning after sahur listening to Color Me Badd doesn’t actually jive but who cares. I didn’t feel like dozing off like I usually do on any other day. I guess sleeping from 9 to 5 was way enough for me.

I guess the excitement from a few days back was way bit overwhelming for me. It was practically tiring me out. Seriously… Never thought it would though. But from the way I was squelling and jumping up and down that day, it was no mystery lah. What got me puzzled was the fact that I became suddenly all lembik and drained for the next 24 hours after.

These are the few of life surprises that I don’t actually welcome. Not that I like surprises in the first place [Well, pretty flowers are acceptable anytime]. It’s nothing bad actually [Well, depends on which angle you’re looking from]. Nothing life threatening I mean. Generally, all is still good. But, I think I could do better without that piece of news. At times like these, I know for sure I’m still being looked after [Alhamdulillah].

I have believed for so long that everything happens for a bloody good reason, especially the bad things. I’ve always treated it as one of those “mirror yourself ” session or “you think you know what you’re doing but I’m giving you a preview of what’s coming” trailer. Reality check kind of thing. Therefore, I’m forced to think things through, rise above all the excitement of the good things that I wanted or wishing hard to have and actually face the reality that what ever that comes my way, it will always be two-sided. Nothing comes only with the good neither does it come only with the bad. Life is fair in that sense [Well, it may not be perfect but it tries its best to be fair. Give life a break].

You see, nobody gets through life floating in ease. Nobody. We can either sit all day and cry till our eyes bleed or we can actually try to make the best out of things, no matter how bad they are. Yes, there is a way to do that. On the other hand, some of us may even choose to just bloody ignore every single thing that doesn’t quite fit in our plans. These are the type of people that I’m envious of. I really don’t know how they do it. I wish I do. I think I’d be way, way better off [as a human being that is] if I knew exactly how to do that. Well, at least I think I’d be.

On a related subject, how many of you indulge yourselves in self-denial? The kind where you tell yourself that ‘it’s nothing’ or ‘it’s okay’ or ‘that can’t be right’ just so that you can have the comfort of the ‘feel good’ feeling inside of you. It’s practically a way you convince yourself that everything is okay, everything is good, all fine and dandy. Self-assurance is what it’s all about. I yearn a getaway within me and that’s the only way I know how. I always do that and rather often, I get myself trapped within it. Trapped in the sense that I couldn’t tell which is real and which one is make believe. Wouldn’t rather than couldn’t. Since make believe is way, way nicer to me, it’s obvious why I don’t really fancy reality rite?

We are after all the best deceiver to ourselves. Who can do it better?